i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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