peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I wish there were birth control emojis
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
