He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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