what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
