Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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