at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
