Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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