Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
