I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I currently don't understand fingers.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
