We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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