it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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