Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
