I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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