Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
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