I wanna bring you to show and tell
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
