you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
