i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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