if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
