i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
