If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
