I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
