You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
