from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
