I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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