Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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