when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
This is my gift to your gina
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
