This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
