I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
