I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
