Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
