the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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