I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
