I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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