I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
