At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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