I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the day after is always just damage control
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
