i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
