yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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