I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
