I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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