Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
