like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I need a beard to bite.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
