be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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