in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hippo gnu deer
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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