Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
