WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
