I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
