i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
