As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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