Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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