First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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