I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
