Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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